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When Trust is Broken

by Yesenia Wood

Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.

1 Peter 4:12-13

When Sis. Brittney asked me to share my testimony, or whatever I felt like sharing, I told her I would pray about it. I didn’t know exactly what all to say, but I’ve asked the Lord to use my testimony to help someone else along the way. As much as it hurts to talk about, I know that there are others hurting, too. So I want to begin with “When Trust is Broken”. Have you ever felt like God has forgotten you or that He didn’t come through on time for you?

I have. At times, it felt like God’s Spirit left me. I thought I’d put my trust in the Lord, but my heart had been shattered in many pieces: how could this be? I had never been in this place, where all my hopes and dreams had been broken and crushed.

We were so excited. Everything seemed good in our life. We were having our 6th baby. We wanted a boy - and then found out we were getting a boy! We had dreams to have a big family, to see our church grow, and to help people in need.

On April 17th, 2017, we were heading to a church in Arcata, California to help Pastor Phillip Stephens with some repairs to his church building. My husband was taking his work truck, loaded with all the tools he’d need, and I was following behind him with our children in a different vehicle. As we traveled that day, it never crossed my mind that I would be in a wreck and lose two babies. We had a great time on our trip, stopping for chicken nuggets and Icees at Burger King. With only about 30 minutes left to our destination, tragedy struck.

I have little memory of the accident, I only remember feeling blood on my face and hearing screaming children saying they couldn’t breathe. I remember praying in my mind: Lord, please don’t let me die. Let me finish raising my children. I remember hearing my husband’s voice screaming, “My God, help me!” After that, I was unconscious.

I woke up almost a week later in the hospital with a tube in my mouth and motioned for something to write with and on. I wrote, “Did my Aubrey die?” My husband read it, looked at me with tears, and said “Yes.” I really don’t know why that was the first thing I wrote; I had a feeling she was gone. I didn’t even ask if the baby inside me had made it; but I think, somehow, I already knew he was gone, too.

Upon news of Aubrey’s death, I wept. I had them bring the paper closer to write some more. In big letters (I imagined they were big; bleeding on the brain and medication had given me double vision) I scrawled: God is still good no…and then paused to try to focus as I continued…God is still good no matter what.

Time is too short to say everything that happened. At first, they didn’t know if I was going to live; I underwent a lot of surgeries. After three weeks in the trauma center, I was transferred to a rehab to recover and learn how to walk again. I thank the Lord that I have full functionality and little to no physical side effects from the wreck. During the month-long stay at the rehab, I had lonely days and times of prayer where I asked God if things would ever be the same. Would I be able to take care of my children? I had a lot of concerns and questions about the future. I began to sing the song, I Still Trust You, Lord. Those were the only words I could think of all day.

I was given a CD from the Camp Meeting in Raisin City, California. Bro. Jon Brock preached the first night on the title “When Trust is Broken”. I just cried as I listened to the message. Since I had earphones on, I got a little lost in where I was and ended up praising the Lord and speaking in tongues as the Holy Ghost strengthened my spirit. I think I scared Verna, my roommate in the bed next to me. LOL.

It’s been over three years since the accident and let me tell you, God has brought us a long way! Have things been the same? No, but one thing I can say is He has carried us!

We are all going to go through life-changing experiences, but what we do about it is the only variable. God is constant; He is faithful.

God bless you all!

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